"I’m an Asian teenager.
On some days, I wear pajamas to school. I joke that it’s convenient and that I don’t care about my looks. It’s not completely true. I scroll endlessly on shopping websites and flip through fashion magazines, but I never admit to it. I always have people tell me “You should buy…” or “You have got to stop wearing…” Not only is it embarrassing to hear this, but it also hurts so much. I can’t leisurely go out and buy tons of clothing without a conscience.
There’s makeup. I would like to believe that inner beauty exceeds outer and that when someone tells me that I’m beautiful, I am. But I don’t. How can I? They’re all so beautiful with their Mac foundations, twenty shoes, and manageable hair. They’re also my friends; it’s not like they can call me ugly. Yet, they give me helpful critiques, and I don’t mean critique as in a way that they are putting me down. They really are trying to boost my esteem and give me beauty tips. But it’s hopeless, and eventually, they give up. “You are beautiful.” What junk. Some try to be polite and drift to another subject when cornered with deciding whether I’m pretty or not. I sheepishly watch makeup tutorials on Youtube, thinking how it would be amazing to have all those products and have a handsome guy walk up to me to give a compliment. Then reality hits. With my mother’s makeup products that were purchased years ago, I hide myself in the restroom, trying to enhance whatever features I have. Even the Asian monolid tutorials are so unrealistic; they don’t work on me. I have small eyes with barely a lid and a big nose. I could spend hours trying and trying, but I end up with nothing. How can I ever be beautiful?
I pretend that it’s okay when I’m called with derogative words like “chinky” or asked “can you see?” But it upsets me so much. I don’t want plastic surgery; I want to believe I am beautiful and have other believe it as well. Why does size matter? I know your blog focuses size more on weight. What about breast and other features? I’m barely an A cup…they’re “mosquito bites.” I try to forget about my flaws, but I’m in high school. I’m constantly reminded that I’m not good enough by people who look me up and down or ask me a question about my appearance that makes me shrink ten times smaller.
When will I be able to embrace myself? I will never be able to make someone jealous of my looks. I will always be that someone"
Dear Anon,
Your message breaks my heart, not because of the obvious, but because it touches me and my experiences growing up. I, too, barely have a lid and a ginormous nose. I, too, struggled to see myself as beautiful and yearned for compliments that I knew I wasn't ever going to get because I was never that girl.
I am still not that girl, and that's ok. Embracing yourself comes with acceptance. I've always joked that I appeal to a niche market when it comes to looks, and I really believe that I do. Learn to accept your flaws and your good points. Humour is a great tool that I can see you have already begun to use. As for those derogative remarks, the best thing to do is to ignore them. It definitely hurts but it reflects negatively on THEM, not you. It is not ok for them to say that, so don't accept that kind of treatment. Roll your eyes, or move away. March to the beat of your own drum. Do NOT let them bring you down.
You sound like a very intelligent girl, with the right values and the right ideas in place. Remember that people who seem to be on the upper hand in high school more often than not, don't end up on top in the real world. Yes, I said "in the real world". Because even though it is your whole world at the moment, high school is just part and parcel of life. What may seem like a blow to your self esteem is really the formation of strength and character.
Inner beauty does exceed outer beauty. Beauty fades, and not just with youth. If you don't have inner beauty or personality, all you'll ever be is a pretty face with no substance. People won't take you seriously. With makeup, practice makes perfect. I myself didn't start wearing it till I left high school and I am still learning. I look back to my first ever FOTDs and cringe, what a train wreck!
As for body issues, you are still developing. In 5 years time your body will be completely different to how it is now. Our blog doesn't focus on any size or weight. Work with what you got is our motto. Tough it out and wait... if you are still unhappy with your breast size, plastic sugery is an option. Its all about what's important to you. Don't let anyone else dictate your emotions. Always try to figure out what is right or wrong based on your core values. Definitely always listen what people have to say, but you don't always have to accept it. If you strive to be a good person, and always try to do the right thing, who are they to judge you?
Do you know what makes a perfect 10? A girl with energy, passion, humour, looks, and personality. Consider these years in school as the formation of your personality. You are in high school, concentrate on what school is all about: education. Do your best, ace your tests, get out in the work force and start living your life the way you want to. The rest will come, I promise.
XOXO,
Drywords & Liquidsugarlust
PS: our mailbox is always open for a chat, do email us as and when you like at monolidlove@gmail.com